My New Wardrobe Rules for Full Body Scanners

I was randomly picked to go through a full body scanner at Chicago’s O’Hare airport today. This is my first visit to a controversial “what is security really seeing?” machine.

I never had one iota of a thought of what the security people were seeing on their cameras. My only thought during the experience was how lucky I happened to be to have full body scanner-appropriate clothes on! And as I walked away from the machine, all I could think of what how my wardrobe on travel days is now going to have even more planning around it.

I already leave the bangle bracelets for a non-travel day, along with big belts, big earrings, complex shoes and anything with lots of metallic buttons. But now my travel-day assemblage will be minus a few more things.

• No more wearing thin-strapped camisoles or sleeveless sweaters under a jacket. Why? Because the jacket has to come off, the arms have to go up, and the arm-jiggles are just hanging there for all the world to see (or at least the long line of travelers). I was ok with this when I could just keep my arms to my side.
• No more small tops either, even if they have sleeves. Any why is this? Because when the arms go up, so does the top. Guess what now shows? You got it … belly buttons and love handles. Hold in the stomach all you can but it’s still not a pretty sight.
• And while I’m ruling out what NOT to wear on travel days, add anything tight-sleeved onto this list. The last thing I want to hear as my hands go up and over the head is rrrrripppp!

Gosh, with all the wardrobe items on my personal version of the do-not-fly list, it may be safer to just wear a plain ole’ brown potato sack through security. No, never mind. Potato sacks don’t come with sleeves.